| I don't really know what kind of girl I am. |
[Feb. 16th, 2008|11:08 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  accomplished | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Martell by The Cribs | ] |
Not that this tragedy can be turned into any kind of a blessing, but it did however give me the much needed inspiration to finally write the entrance essay for Columbia College. And it is the best and truest thing I've ever written. And I can't freaking wait to make a living doing this. Let me know what you think.
On February 14th, 2008, tragedy hit close to home for me. No one ever thinks it can happen to them, and I blindly believed that until three days ago. A number of my closest friends attend Northern Illinois University and although none were killed or injured, they were all still devastatingly effected by the events that occurred that Valentine's Day. As any good friend would do, I did my best to keep in contact with them throughout the night to ensure they were all right. I was unbearably grateful to read a message that night on an internet blog posted by my best friend that stated that her and others in her dorm gathered that night to watch their favorite television show, “Lost.” She said that for that hour they were able to escape from all the chaos and pain and just watch a show they all loved.
It was in that moment that I realized there is no political message or social change that I want to display through my art. I am an actor merely because I want to entertain people, especially when entertainment can distract them, if only for an hour or two, from the reality of a harsh world. I want to make people think and feel anything and everything. If I can bring a tear to their eye and then a second later, make them laugh from the pit of their stomach, then there is nothing I’d rather be doing with my life.
I have no new ideas or concepts. I just want to touch people’s hearts through my work. There is always a moment in a movie that a person can relate to. There is some feeling that you have felt before or some situation that you have lived through. I live for those moments. To be able to say, “exactly.” Knowing that a character is saying what you are feeling. I want people to know that they are not alone, the way I’ve been able to, watching my favorite actors on the big screen. The way Ellen Paige, as the title character, Juno, says, “I don’t really know what kind of girl I am,” or the way I can relate to the hilarious relationship between Will and Grace, played by Debra Messing and Eric McCormack. Being relatable is the most import aspect of a good actor. And that is what I’ve set out to do with my art, relate to people.
The best way to accomplish this is by being in touch with your own and others emotions and thoughts. People are the most interesting part about a movie or a play. Networking and communicating is the most important tool an actor has. You can read all the books by Stanaslavski and Meisner but it does not give you the ability to touch the hearts your audience. I’ve been lucky enough to get to know a number of interesting people while studying at The University Of Illinois at Chicago. Those people have given me more inspiration and more drive to bring what I have to offer to the industry than I have had my whole life. I’m very excited to study at Columbia College Chicago because I’ll be able to benefit from the vast and diverse community it has to offer. When I get to Columbia, I will soak up the intricacies and diverse personality of every person I have the honor of working with. I will listen to their stories and watch their lives unfold throughout the duration of our relationship and I will be thankful for every person and every moment I experience while I am there. And most importantly, I will take what I’ve learned from those people and apply it to my work each and every day of my life. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 14th, 2008|11:10 am] |
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you two are such pushovers! what is that all about?? lol. |
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| I'm singing now because my tear ducts are too tired. |
[Aug. 31st, 2007|01:54 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | excited | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Tonight will Go As Follows by The Spill Canvas | ] |
I love ani. She gets me through everyday here. Actually, music in general does. I love theatre. I love acting. But, music and dance are what I'm most passionate about. So, I've been thinking about taking up an additional major in Vocal Performance. I've been calculating all the hours I would need to complete, and I think it would still be possible to graduate in 4 years, if I take on 18 hours every semester from now on. Which I wouldn't mind at all cause I have too much down time on my hands to begin with. I may need to take classes over the summer a little bit and it would mean that i can't study abroad in London next year. Which really sucks. But I really think I would benefit from the training.
First week of classes behind me. Check! So far it's not too shabby. I miss a lot of people a lot but I'm started to make better friends with the people here. It's kinda weird and for the first time I'm started to realize that status has everything to do with looks. I cannot tell you how many comments I've gotten this past week about how much weight I've lost and how great I look and blah blah blah. Don't get me wrong. It makes me feel really great about myself and I of course, love the attention ( :P ) but, People who didn't even acknowledge my existence last year are showering me with affection. I'm not complaining, I'm just observing. But, whatever.
So, I didn't get cast in either of the fall mainstage shows which sucks but in all fairness, my audition blew horendous ass. They should offer some kind of auditioning class at the cultural center or something. lol. seriously, I suck at auditioning, especially when monologues are involved. I get all tense and I'm not myself. It's terrible. But, this leaves me more room to do other things, I guess.
My friend Jake invited me to audition for his ccp show next week so I'll probably audition for that. I would love to start getting really involved in ccp. It would be great to work with student directors. I think I could learn a lot.
And also, I'm going to try and fill the assistent stage managing position for Luigi's show, Dear ruth. My friend Zam is head manager so it would be awesome to work with him. Love that kid. Luigi on the other hand...eek! But, I think it would be good.
I start voice lessons on the 10th. Super excited for that. I'm taking them with Deborah Bulgrin again. Love that woman. She's amazing. She actually just reccommended me for this musical theatre workshop in the city. It's on October 20th. The fee is only $30 dollars for six hours of private voice training. Only 6 students are accepted for the program so I'm sending in my application ASAP! I really hope I make that. It would be amazing!
And oh, yes. Classes. The whole reason I came to this god forsaken school. lol. My Lit class is interesting. I think it will be good for me to learn some stuff in that area. We're reading three novels written by women. Two of them sound really cool. But the one I'm reading now is like freaking The Awakening all over again! EEK! But, I'll get through it. My drama class is cool cause all my friends are in that class. Lectures and history are boring though, but I love my professer. He's this hillarious 4'11" old english man. He's my adviser too. I love him. I have a communications class that I can tell is gonna suck all the fun out of my life. lol. But, my friend Anne is in that class so yay. We save each other. Our professer is Chinese and doesn't speak English very well, and on top of that you can't even hear her. She's like a mouse. And it's a class of 80 people. ugh. Then I have a music theory class. So, basically that's just an easy A. I love it. Professer is cool but definately not one for public speaking. But, he's nice. And he knows how much musical experience I have so I kinda have an edge in that class. And I'm supposing he told the band and choir directors about me because they've already contacted me trying to recruit. Too much pressure. lol. I just don't wanna commit to anything yet. But, I would do choir way before I would play the sax again. It's so hard saying no to the band director cause he is so nice. lol. Then there's my voice class! I'm so super excited for this class. There's only 9 of us in the class. And it's all of us from classes last year that built a really strong ensemble. Minus like two people. It's Me, ashley, Ilana, Alicia, Anne, Melissa, Andrew, and then Holly and Carmen who really don't fit. Carmen I don't mind too much. But, holly is just lazy and always makes her scene partners look bad. But other than that, it's gonna be amazing. Our teacher is awesome. She's crass and sarcastic and I love her. I feel like she can really teach us a lot. I'm so excited for that class.
Other than that, things are perfectly ordinary. And my favorite part: walkin around the city in this gorgeous weather with some great tunes playin into my ears everyday.
Going home this weekend. Don't really want to. But, I get to see Kim so yay! And i'll make some money. So, double yay!
Peace, all!!
Much Love |
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| I would miss you even if I never met you |
[Aug. 25th, 2007|02:57 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Home...? | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  restless | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Kim's Mix | ] |
I really don't know what to expect this year. It's 3 am and I have a shit ton to do tomorrow and I'm not even close to being tired. I should be. The only thing these last couple days have brought me is frustration...about everything. I mean don't get me wrong. Things are kind of exciting. But it's just different. I don't care enough about the change for it to thrill me very much. I'm underwhelmed but not in a bad way. But at the same time completely overwhelmed but not in a good way so I guess things even out..(?)
I don't know.
I wish I felt more secure in what this year could bring but I just can't know what to think cause everything is just lingering. Like we're in limbo. That's exactly what it is. I'm in fucking limbo because depending on how the next week of my life goes, the next 4 months of it could either be heaven or hell in a sense of words.
I feel like this is it. This could be the semester to make or break my experience at UIC. Last year was kind of bullshit, ya know. It was almost surreal,non-existant, a vague understanding. It was like the foward to the novel. But now so much is on the line and I have no excuse to fall back on like last year. I should be so much farther ahead than I am now but I wouldn't even know where to begin. Where's my guidence? Where's my goddammn reassurance?
I saw george two days before i left. I asked him to help me find audition peices for next week. I guess subconciously I expected things to just be as they were. Like I expected him to have all the answers. Not the right ones of course but the ones I wanted to hear. Just like in the old days. But it was nothing like that. In fact, it was the complete opposite. I felt so unwelcomed. I wasn't a priority anymore. And anyone could tell just by looking at the pile of crap he gave me to work with. When you ask someone for a favor,I guess you just selfishly expect them to drop their life to pull you out of some shit you could only have gotten into all on your own. And four days ago, I realized that no one is there to hold my hand anymore. It's all me. I don't have orientation leaders or peer mentors or hell even hopeful high school teachers anymore. Hell, I don't even have a fucking self-help book.
I've prided my entire life on standing out, making a difference. All I did throughout high school was stand out. Only freshman cast in a fall mainstage, first junior to make captain, unanamously voted all sectional. The list goes on. Hell, even my first semester in college, I was told I was among the top 3 actors in my class. It's a good feeling, sure, but it does nothing to prepare you for what's ahead. It all seems great in the beginning. All the extra attention. But it doesn't last. Before you know it, it's a year later and you've aged so your just put on the backburner to save energy for the fresh batch. It's a continuous cycle. And at this moment, the only thing you know how to feel is unsure. Because no one is telling you what you should be thinking.
And you can reassure yourself as much as you possibly want and you should but how far does it really get you when no one is paying enough attention to notice something?
So I guess my question is, did I miss my chance to get noticed? Was I passed over and that's that for the rest of my college career? Or is this it? The ultimate test. Something I've never had to do before.....
Get noticed when no one is looking.
It almost seems impossible.
I really need to step it up. But even if I do, who's to say it'll be worth anything? In which case, I'd just be wasting my energy. But I feel like I have to work harder than I've ever worked in my entire life just to stay afloat, so how the hell harder do I have to work to ride a wave, let alone even catch one?
I need help now more than ever and anyone I could possibly wanna turn to for it has bigger and better things going for them now. And I couldn't possibly ask for favors at a time like this. I would never forgive myself.
Which means I'm on my own on this one. I guess it's a good thing for me. Maybe this is the semester I finally grow up. I guess it has to be. After all, after this year, I'll never be a teenager again.
The past is no longer home to me. The future is where my heart is.
Home is where your heart comes from
But what you do when your hearts gone
with everything you need
It's at that point you've got to choose
to stay or go you're bound to lose
everything you need
You've got your stuff
you packed your bags
You checked your things
Made sure you had
Everything you need
You upped You left
You went away
To love to fight Another day
against everything you need
You severed your ties
You left us all behind
You said all your goodbyes
to everything you need
You severed your ties
we forged to make it right
come back with open eyes
to everything you need
Cause moments they can turn to dreams
and hopes and wants can sometimes seem
like everything you need
Got treated bad
Got left alone
you cried you said to come back home
to everything you need |
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| There was a loophole in my dreaming, so I got out of it. |
[Aug. 6th, 2007|02:04 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | my room | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  frustrated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Bright eyes | ] |
To my surprise, my eyes are wide and already open.
I can't sleep. I was tired as fuck 20 minutes ago and now I can't sleep...
Things keep happening. Weird coincedences. I don't know what to think of them.
I don't know what to think of a lot of things lately.
I always thought something like this would be exactly what I want...
"what do you do? You laugh. I'm not saying I don't cry but in between I laugh and I realize how silly it is to take anything too seriously. Plus, I look forward to a good cry. It feels pretty good. "
I picked you out
Of a crowd and talked to you
Said I liked your shoes
You said thanks can I follow you?
So it's up the stairs
And out of view
No prying eyes
I poured some wine
I asked your name you asked the time
Now it's two o'clock,
the club is closed we're up the block
Your hands on me
I'm pressing hard against your jeans
Your tongue in my mouth
Trying to keep the words from coming out
You didn't care to know
Who else may have been you before
I want a lover I don't have to love
I want a girl who's too sad to give a fuck
Where's the kid with the chemicals?
I thought he said to meet me here but I'm not sure
I got the money if you got the time
You said it feels good I said I'll give it a try
Then my mind went dark
We both forgot where your car was parked
Let's just take the train
I'll meet up with the band in the morning
Bad actors with bad habits
Some sad singers
They just play tragic
And the phone's ringing
And the van's leaving
Let's just keep touching
Let's just keep keep singing
I want a lover I don't have to love
I want a boy who's so drunk he doesn't talk
Where's the kid with the chemicals
I got a hunger and I can't seem to get full
I need some meaning I can memorize
The kind I have always seems to slip my mind
But you but you
You write such pretty words
But life's no story book
Love's an excuse to get hurt
And to hurt
"Do you like to hurt?"
"I do! I do!"
"Then hurt me." |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 3rd, 2007|01:19 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | Inspired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Let Go by Frou Frou | ] |
1. I love Garden State
2. I love friends
3. I love Garden State
That is all. |
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| everyone has a secret |
[Jul. 26th, 2007|09:13 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | my room | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | 1234 by fiest | ] |
i feel pretty stupid. i dunno what i thought was gonna happen but it sure didn't happen the way that i would have liked. and im not really upset or anything. i just feel kinda dumb. like i expected too much. It sucks knowing just how much fun we could have had. Whatevs, at least I got laid. lol. The whole situation just pisses me off cause he's the one that keeps it going and then he just does stupid shit that makes me really pissed. Like he knows that he aggrivates me. So, I'm just done with that crap. He called me this morning and left a voicemail apologizing for last night and blah blah. I called him back and left a really short message and if he doesn't call me back, I could care less. I'm done feeding into his crap.
All I ever learned from love was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you.
So, I guess Jake is right. We do the same thing night after night but it's really no ones fault. what else are we supposed to do when everyone's schedule is crazy and people don't have money to spend. My parents always ask me why I have to go out and do the same thing with the same people night after night and I've always known the answer and it never changes. I tell them it's because the best feeling in the world is being surrounded by people who care about you and it doesn't matter what we do as long as I'm lucky enough to have that every night. And it makes me really scared when I think about life 1 month from now. Everything is gonna be so different and I just don't want things to change quite yet. It's true that we've done nothing this summer but it's also true that it's been the best summer of my life so far. So I'm sorry it's lacked in adventure but I don't regret it for one second.
I can't stop thinking lately about what I would give to have lived a life completely restricted to dance. If there's one regret that i have, it's not pushing my parents enough to keep me in dance. If I had danced my entire life and had been trained properly, there's no doubt in my mind that I'd be auditioning for proffessional companies before I ever thought about going to college. Dancing makes me more emotional than acting ever did. I love to act, but if I thought I could make a living doing it, I'd be dancing.
Imma go take a shower.
Peace and dance,
Cathy |
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| I need you so much closer. |
[Jul. 5th, 2007|10:17 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | living room | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | annoyed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Stay by DMB | ] |
So, I'm really sorry for the following but I only have one depressing thing to say and then I'm on to better things.
I just realized today that I wake up feeling shitty every single day cause I can't stop dreaming about Lane. Its getting ridiculous. You may be asking yourself, "what the hell is cathy doing up and online at 10:30 am?" well, ill tell you. i woke up from this amazing dream then got a glass of water and tried to go back to sleep but couldn't because i felt like i was being torchered or something. Every time I close my eyes, I see his face. Thats when I realized that I wake up every single day the same way. Which explains why I'm still so crabby after 12 hours of sleep. but still, it doesn't fail me. I haven't gone a single night since we broke up without dreaming about him. whatevs.
so, today=super fun (at least thats the plan). Imma go take a shower in a bit, then baby visit at 2 when kim gets off. then col's place. Which I would feel way better about if I had money. This no job thing is really getting ridiculous.
I can't wait to go back to school. not that being here isn't any fun cause it is. I love being able to hang out with everyone all the time. But, I dunno. There's just something about this town. I feel stuck when I'm here. But, a month and a half and I'm back in the city. at school. I can start fresh. Meet some new ppl. Get the whole Huntely atmosphere out of my everyday life. Maybe I won't think about Lane so much since I won't be with ppl that remind me of that time.
Im really looking foward to my fall schedule. I only have 2 classes every monday, wednesday and friday and their both lecture classes so i really don't ever have to go to them which is sweet.
I really should start focusing more on writing this song for my brother's wedding. I keep trying to think of lyrics and I just can't find anything nice to say. Ugh, I remember having a conversation with my brother a long time ago about how he promised not to get married until I'm of legal age to drink. But, I guess he couldn't wait... Stupid bitch wants babies now. She can't wait a year. These are the things I think about when I sit down to try and write this damn song.
I have nothing else to talk about, so Imma stop.
Peace and free love,
Cathy |
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| I feel blue. |
[Jul. 3rd, 2007|03:06 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | my room | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bored | ] |
| [ | music |
| | obadiah parker - hey ya | ] |
In a field outside of town we could always be alone
Carry a blanket maybe a basket - and that's it
Innocence was the key I was locked up never free
Until you turned me
Like vines we intertwined (like vines we intertwined)
Carelessly growing up and growing old
Life was on our tongues (on our tongues)
And it tasted heavenly so good
I wake up and I feel alone
I was just asleep
Right where I belong
Inside this sad, sad song
I knew this was a dream it was too good to be true
And the coincidences were a bit much too
Who wants to wake up?
Who wants to lose it?
Who wants to live in this place?
Like vines we intertwined (like vines we intertwined)
Carelessly growing up and growing old
Life was on our tongues (on our tongues)
It tasted heavenly so good
I wake up and I feel alone
I was just asleep
Right where I belong
Inside this sad, sad song |
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| Oh, College... |
[May. 11th, 2007|09:23 am] |
So I almost slept through my final today. That would have been great. I woke up at 7:30. I didn't even change or anything, I just hauled ass to campus. and the fuckin final only took me like 20 minutes anyways. ugh. stupid 8am final.
so, i got $42.50 for my books! woohoo. And I got everything done in an hour, final and all! go me. Now off to do final packing stuff, call work and quit and take a shower before my parents get here.
I'll see you all soon!
Peace and Love,
Cathy |
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| Things just haven't been the same 'round here. |
[May. 10th, 2007|01:26 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Empty Dorm Room | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | bored | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Someday by The Strokes | ] |
I wish i could play piano. It would make my life so much easier. But that's why I'm taking a piano class next year! Woot
So my rooms almost completely packed up. I just have to pack my clothes and bedding and stuff but i have no more boxes and i need to sleep on my bed tonight so i can't pack that up.
Oh, and Kim, I was inspired by your lj to let you know that if your smoking weed while your out drinking, you won't have a hangover the next day! : ) How awesome is that?!
Ugh. I have to be at work at 3. don't see the point of going. Can't I just not work till i transfer to algonquin on monday. This is not a good weekend for me to be working.
So, I have one more final. Tomorrow at 8am (gross). And its for the class that i never go to. So i am so not prepared. I hope its not hard. I haven't even started studying yet. geeze. I'm screwed. College has a tendency to like to fuck you up the ass.
Seriously indifferent about everything lately. Wonder why.
I have to remember to sell back my books tomorrow. I really hope I get more than 20 bucks off of that. I only have 4. eek. I need money so bad. It's ridiculous.
Alright, that's it for now. Imma leave early for work and enjoy walking around beautiful downtown Chicago. |
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| Oily marks appear on walls where pleasure moments hung before the takeover. |
[May. 9th, 2007|03:52 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Dorm room | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Sunday Morning by Ani Difranco | ] |
ugh. i have to pack up my room. i have a lot of shit. i am so not bringing this much shit next year. i don't even know where to start.
I'm not going to my audition today. I'm so not prepared. Oh, well. It's not my kind of show anyways. Of course, who am i to be picky. i wish i had a shoe-in in the biz. ppl who have connections have it so easy. I just need to stop being lazy and work my ass off. I'll be as prepared as possible for saturday's audition.
It's so nice out. I wanna go to the park or the beach but i have no one to go with.
I need to get my third hole on my right ear re-done.
Geeze I have a lot to get done this summer.
Of course, I need money above all else.
I wish I was more motivated.
I couldn't fall asleep last night. I found this note that Lane wrote to me a while ago. I just wanted him next to me. I loved falling asleep with him. It made me so happy. When we would lay together, nothing else in the world mattered except that moment in time and how happy we were. well, how happy i was. who knows if he was really happy.
jesus. why am i so hung up on him? i don't want to be. i just wanna be fine with it. I think it's more the fact that no one's thinking about me. For well over a year I knew that he was thinking about me everyday and wanting to see me and hold me, but now, no one's thinking that about me. And that's fine. I don't mind being single, but it's so sudden. There's not even a hint of thought about me for him. I know that because he's thinking those things about Melissa now. While I'm still thinking about him. It's like that scene in My Best Friend's Wedding. Lane's chasing Melissa, I'm chasing Lane, and no one is chasing me. That feeling really sucks.
Whatever, I'm sorry. I'm really fine. I am. I'm totally happy when I don't sit and think about this crap. This is why I need to get away. I need to move elsewhere for a while. Hang with a different crowd. No offense to some of you, but I wanna hang out with older people. People that have jobs and apartments and martini shakers. I wanna party. I wanna do things that I know I shouldn't do.
But, who am i kiddding. I'm going back to fucking Huntley, Illinois for the summer. I'll work at New York and Company. I'll be pleasant and polite and all the fucking graduation parties I go to. I'll put on a nice smile and a curtious tone for all the parents and old teachers I run into. And I'll be plain and simple and boring in Huntley, Illinois.
I want so much more than my life as it is now.
Wow, I'm sorry. I started writing this trying to be positive and totally okay cause I was but appearantly I'm not. I'm sorry.
I love you all. I do.
Peace and adventure,
Cathy |
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| Shattering down all around |
[May. 7th, 2007|11:53 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Cold Dorm Room | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | I won't be left by tegan and sara | ] |
So, I just talked to Lane and I understand finally. He gave me a straight answer when I asked if he was really ready to move on or if he still loved me. he said this..
WithLifeLikeThis (11:40:17 PM): so, which is it, lane?
WithLifeLikeThis (11:40:43 PM): are you just "moving on" because you think you have to? or are you ready?
Strongdude1212 (11:40:44 PM): i told you...things had been changing while you were becomming a different person than the person i fell in love with
WithLifeLikeThis (11:41:17 PM): so you were ready?
WithLifeLikeThis (11:41:45 PM): you fell out of love with me by that time and you were ready to move on?
WithLifeLikeThis (11:42:31 PM): lane, please just answer this question and ill leave you alone. this is all i need to know. i need to be sure.
Strongdude1212 (11:42:21 PM): i dont want you to leave me alone
Strongdude1212 (11:42:28 PM): i still want to hear from you
WithLifeLikeThis (11:42:55 PM): i need you to answer the question, lane
Strongdude1212 (11:43:27 PM): yes, by that time, my love for you had shifted from romantic...to more of an appreciative love, for everything you had done to defire me currently as a person, for helping me mature.
So, that's that. He really doesn't love me romantically anymore. And I guess he hasn't for a while. So, I've just been kidding myself. Well, I found out what I needed to know and jesus fucking christ does it hurt. I can't cry. I can't get up from this chair right now cause it feels like there's a huge ass boulder weighing me down.
I was actually having a good day. to think all of it could be ruined with one sentence from one guy that i shouldn't even be feeling this way about according to everyone else in the world.
It seems bittersweet now, but my amazing day was as follows.
Mark came to the city today to visit me. I love that boy. We had so much fun. It was really nice to be with a good friend all day. I miss good friends. He watched my final scene today for acting II which was great. It made me so nervous though. We went out to cheesecake factory for dinner! Delicious AND unnafordable. lol. oh, well. money is manmade. the only thing that matters is that i got a good time out of it. That can't be manufactured. So, thank you mark for spending the day with me. it was delightful.
Then...We were at the apple store and i was online on my myspace and i got a new message. it was from non other but the incredible diann squiers who i haven't talked to in over 5 years. her and her sister dori taught me dance since i was three years old and after i moved and lost touch i was starting to think that i would never hear from them again so recieving that message today was absolutely incredible. im so glad that they will both be in my life again. Dori is married now. she has a three year old son with her husband. and ari, dori's daughter, who i knew before she could walk is now 10 which is unbelievable. Hearing from them today made me happier than i can say i've felt in way too long a time. If any of you knew just how much these people meant to me, you'd be crying to. I swear it's like a miracle or something. All i ever wanted was to find them again. See how they're doing and see if they still believe in me the way they did when i was 12. i love them so much. it's like finding a long lost sister. no joke. its incredible.
so, basa basa went well i guess. im just glad it's over for now.
my week...
voice final tomorrow 10:30 to 12:30 (haven't prepared a damn thing to perform)
Wednesday: Audition
Thursday: Work
Friday: Jazz Final and work
Saturday: Audition. (I've got to find a way to get out of work)
In the midst of that crap, i gotta pack up my room before friday. there's a month long project all in itself. this place is a mess.
i need to go get work done for tomorrow
peace and cheesecake
Love,
Cathy
I won't mistake you for problems with me
I won't let my moods ruin this you'll see
I won't take everything good and move it away
I won't be left dancing along to songs from the past
Would you stay home and keep our memories warm with me
Would you give all your love for a run at the past with me
I know you're sad even though you say that you're not
I know you're scared even though you say that you're not
I won't get mad when you say things are getting too hard
I won't make all of your love so scared to come through our yard
I won't scream in my head and let it isolate me
I won't be left dancing alone to songs from the past |
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| Basa Basa! |
[May. 4th, 2007|08:36 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | dorm | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  high | ] |
| [ | music |
| | all the night without love by elvis perkins | ] |
Kay, nervous weekend. My college stage debut is Sunday. eek. not the best show for my "outbreak performance" i mean, its cute and its fine. but it really isn't the best work i can do. luigi and yassen might be there...im auditioning for their mainstage shows next fall. eek. managers and publicists will be there. its being taped and i have to sign this release form for "promotional use of the contents of the video" eek. public promotional use. this shit is gonna be shown to a lot of effin ppl. i don't know how to feel about this.
i guess we all have to participate in all this publicity stuff over the summer too. i have to go to a book signing at the south shore cultural center in august. and we have to attend different kinds of events in the city to perform and promote the show/book. wow. this is too much for me. i mean its incredible to get recognition beyond UIC, but I'm not secure with my talent yet. do i want ppl recognizing me yet? and with this show?
but, enough of that. I just have to get through Sunday for now. I just hope the show isn't a huge let down for the sake of all the publicity.
Come See It!!!
BASA BASA
SUNDAY, MAY 6TH AT 4:00PM
UIC THEATRE MAINSTAGE
1044 WEST HARRISON
CHICAGO, IL
Be there.
peace and spicy soup
Love, Cathy |
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